updated 6/8/04

One Year Update

Remembering Richard Haskey (1939 - 6/10/2003)
... Radio's answer to Dr. Marconi.

Richard Haskey, aka Dr. Marconi, Dr. Haskey, The Hask, Dr. Haskapopolous, R, KG7BT, Kate Smith, and a host of other characters, was born in a transmitter room at approximately the time WLW retired its 500 kW transmitter. It is widely thought all that energy was channeled to Richard's mind, causing an amazing number of "things."

If Richard Haskey were to send us a message today, he would likely point out that he was now officially "defunct." Either that or he would spin a tail of how the IGH (Intergalactic Headquarters), as he called the Western Wireless Works facility, was being taken over by a hoard of Rhythmic Trolls led by "Sheriff Joe," and he was seeking refuge in some nefarious place. Regardless, he would much rather we remember his joy of life than his "demise."

A true veteran radio engineer, Richard's abilities have been known by engineers around the world for over 40 years. From Southern California, to the beaches (and Internet Cafes) of Cyprus, from Arizona to the IGH Annex (next to the Fish Sellers) somewhere in Africa, Richard was sought out for projects from tiny translators to megawatt installations, leaving behind a legacy of well-built facilities. And always there was this wonderfully warped sense of humor. No one who spent any time around Richard could miss his love of radio ... and his impatience with those who just didn't "get it."

It would be hard to count the number of transmitters, phasors and antennas that Richard had installed, tuned, repaired, renovated, or was consulted on. If asked to calculate the extent of his broadcast construction activities over the years, Richard himself would probably answer something like "41 *  (Euler's Constant)  ^ (Chairman Mao's temperature) / -3.1416  = Total kW" ... and then sputter: "You know, that's the worst I've ever heard!"

Whenever I answered my phone, and heard "The Voice" bellowing "B!" ... I knew it was time for the highlight conversation of my day. Often he was calling from his "cage," as he called his office (I always felt Dr. Haskey preferred to be "out in the field," practicing radio). Anytime from then the discussion could include a project he was handling for me, a uniquely Haskeyan view of life, the vagaries of email, or a rant about "Sheriff Joe."

In my last conversation with Richard, he sadly reflected on what had happened to the industry he loved. “It isn’t the same any more,” he said, “and it never will be." But, then, his wit asserted itself: "I’ve got to talk to Dr. Marconi about that!”

Those who knew Richard were truly richer for it. The industry is poorer without him.


... more coming ... including the African Dictionary 

"Quick! We'll be able to hear them
any time from now:

"This is the Wisconsin Farm Network, FM Station WCCF Transmitting from high atop the Baraboo bluffs in Greenfield Township using a federally non-authorized power of 27 watts. (Authorized power is 28.414 watts)" 

I will leave the right-hand column for comments from others about Richard. Here, I think I will let the man speak for himself: A sample of my email from Richard (something like "the Groucho Letters?") will give you a clue as to his seemingly unstoppable wit. Now, please ... just imagine Richard's voice reading these missives and you'll get a bigger "kick!"

Subject: Tucson Mountain

While on Cyprus, Richard makes plans


The memories just keep on coming. Like the hives.

Tom Maples, Rich "Brother" Robbin, Tom Hussey (or, was that his daughter?) Brad, Jeff and the Christmas faiery.

I WILL let you know of my next trip to Tucson. I am still in Cyprus and expect to leave here Friday morning and, with the magic of time zones, be home in Phoenix on Friday night. Those Ford Tri-Motor aeroplanes are fast, man. Fast.

The things of which you speak (re Tucson Mountain) are foreign to me. You might send a picture but, within a few days I will be able to behold all of this more myself.

Personal regards.

Dr. Marconi (and his 'lectric grandmother)

Lyle sends his regards.



.... it must be you!

>>Possibly a title for a song. Could be, "It had to be you."

I have a call in to Kate Smith who will write the song and subsequently belt it out. There is some strange message on her machine about calling Forest Lawn in the Hollywood Hills.

Please send $$$$ so I can call her.

Or, the wayward hills.

I chatted briefly with xxx xxxxxx the other afternoon. Seems his pattern
(day) is "slightly out". Upon further questioning, I learned that ALL of
the day monitor points are out of tolerance, one by almost twice the max.
Also, the antenna monitor shows nothing resembling the licensed values.

Slightly out.

On the other hand, the KXXX monitor points (day) are either "in" or very slightly above the max. Nothing that 24.678 turns (x Euler's constant) of a non-existent crank won't fix.

I tuned up the folded unipole in XXXX yesterday. The transmitter went from an indicated 60%+ efficiency to just about 74%. Tubes, of course. They went from a "tanning light" brilliance to normal after 5 years. Now, if they can get the audio "fixed"...it may sound like a radio station. An Aphex something or other (at the studio; I didn't see it) plus some 1970's CRL stuff doesn't cut it. Cheap is in the market and sounds pretty good.

I need to return to the clinic tomorrow. More on the brain transplant. I
think they are going to give me the half of Rush's brain that he has tied
behind his back. An out-patient procedure, I guess, 'cause it is so small.

Regards from the sub-IGH on the hill.


Subject: It gets weirder and weirder out there


Perhaps, this requires another meeting. I could spring for lunch at Taco John's. You mentioned that timing might be important. Here is what is on my plate.

1. This week (7-08) should see the end of the 000 job. If you have a few spare moments, perhaps your services could be purchased to assist with some skeletal measurements.

2. Starting Thursday (07-11) a Lindyism takes place in Bakersfield or Taft or McKittick. I need to appear there for a minor erection. (erection to be done by Juan x, of Tulare...or somewhere).

3 Friday, (07-12) Lindyism concludes. One more trip to attempt to locate Mao (in PRC) gets underway. Details, film (if not fogged) at 11. On 13. In SECAM.

4. Monday (07-22) triumphant return of R. from PRC.

5. Tuesday (07-22) through 07-31 (or thereabouts) R. is on American soil, headquartered at IGH..

6. 08-01/02 R defects to Isle of Cyprus to search for Aphrodite, Last seen at the Motel 6 on Cyprus.

7. Mid August (actual dates not yet defined) R. makes (almost) triumphant return to IGH.

8. Watch this space for coming attractions. A radio station near you MAY be mentioned.


Why do I get involved in all of this? Some projects may be able to be done by Jeff's replacement. Pete is the NEW Jeff. If your schedule is flexible, all of this seems doable. I will be in IGH tomorrow except for 0930 to 1130.

I have an appointment at the clinic. Call early. Call late. send $$$.




- 29.37 -

Subject: The World. Its people.

Richard is on Cyprus ... working on a 600 kW rig.


Long Live Chairman Mao!!

And Lyle....

we know where he lives. It is a small Island at the entrance to the Mediterranean Sea near Gibraltar. Island is called Lila.

And it is under siege.

We have 3.14159 watts (out of 650kw) on the air. At this rate, I may never be home. Wherever that may be.

Seriously, back in about 10 days.

Stay in touch!


Subject: Greetings

Richard is on Cyprus ... working on a 600 kW rig.


The Chairman is here, on his way to the pyramids, just a couple hundred klicks away. He is almost mummified.

I'm glad you told me where I am!! I had no idea.

Always remember...

No matter where you go....There You Are! !

But, then.....Nothing matters very much. Few things matter at all.

Last time I was in Ajo NOTHING was happening. Why should that situation change?


tHE computers are modified TRS80's and the keyboards are from old Selectric typewriters. The whole scene is malo. Muy malo.



As they say in the movies: Later that same day...


The Chairman has expired. I may expire as well. There are NO flights off this island for several days due to the summer holiday. I will go to Cairo and see the pyramids along the Nile, then come back here to flee.

Is the Scotty Johnson you refer to the one I tutored back in SoCal 123 years' ago yesterday or some other with a similar name.

I cannot find the question mark on this machine. Do you have it? Ah, there it is. Over the tilde!!

If, in fact, he is the SJ in question, what are his qualifications these days? Does he have a published curricula vitae? (a rare disease known only to Lxxx.)

Personal regards from King Tut.


Subject: Greetings


MS Calabash was found to be none other than Pxxxxx X. in disguise. It has been determined that she must be monoxided. Please go to Ace hardware and buy several feet of strong, rubber hose, some clamps and then, to a used car lot, to get a smoking deal (as it were) on a 1963 Citroen.

The rest can be handled by Lyle.

There is a rumor circulating that I once bore some semblance of reality. That rumor, plus 36 cents, will get you nowhere.

Personal regards to SJ. There is no TV, as we know it, in Santa Barbara. They do have a flying spot scanner with The Chairman's likeness on it. The monastery choir chants old Celtic Madrigals as a background. VERY evocative, indeed.

I will go to Cairo early next week and then back to AZ. I will have a more-or-less firm itinerary tomorrow. I propose to fly the Luftwaffe, out of Frankfurt, directly into Sky Harbor. Or, directly into the 940 no. 3 tower.

I am tired of suitcase-living and will be glad to be home.

Personal regards........

Dr. Marconi



Since nothing matters very much there is little point in going on. I have sent out for copious amounts of bourbon, hemlock and root beer. The party will be whenever I say.

It now appears that the great 000 caper will have to be postponed until Wednesday at which time you, apparently, will be winging your way north to Seattle. The last time the NAB Radio thing was in Seattle was the last time for me. Most of the exhibitors sent gnomes and/or trolls to people their booths. The principals were either in various and sundry saloons or, more likely (and more productive) taking the days "off" at their residences.

I attended one of the "engineering" sessions (about changing light bulbs, or something very technical like that), and fell sound asleep. Security had to be called and I was taken away. That was on day one. The rest of the time there I spent with friends seeing what there was to see. I guess there are/were many things of interest but, due to the ever-present fog and rain, I saw only hazy flickering images purporting to be "scenic".

Ah, yes. Seattle.



Subject: The (possible) termination of the world - as we know it.


My father, who left us about the same time as your father, used to tell me,
"Son, as you go through life you will find that nothing matters very much
and few things matter at all."

With these two divergent viewpoints, we can write a simple algebraic expression

X(B) + X(R) = y(T)

where y = Tom Maples Birthdate (Gregorian Calendar)

B = Barry's Father

R = Richard's Father

T = Chairman Mao's current address

Then, re-arranging terms, subtracting y, dumping T and re-calculating...

Nothing matters very much - few things matter at all!

How deliciously simple!

Wednesday. Wednesday. (NOT a song by a now-defunct rock group.)

THIS is the Wisconsin Farm Network.


Subject: End of world delayed due to lack of trained digiry doo players


As to the meaning of life, I was once told it was 37. Now, I believe it is
38 +/- 3.1459* Euler's constant. Euler could be moved in with Lazarus.

Perhaps, I need further information. Or, some tablets.

Tell me more.


Nothing matters very much....FTMAA.

Subject: Kxxx Project


I have given considerable thought to the Kxxx project. Since it was/is so high tech and few have had the experience of working on such advanced physical efforts, I have decided that each and all would pay ME for the wonderful experience and the knowledge obtained. No residuals would be due unless Janet's lovely hair-do is brought to the Tom Maples sepulcher and three and one half stanzas of "Tiptoe Through the Tulips" is sung at high volume in the Mandarin dialect of Chinese.

Perhaps, you have other ides/feelings on this matter.

I am leaving for Lichtenstein at midnite tonite. One must hurry.

I should be back for pizza and TX reading school on Wednesday Night.


...promptly followed by this response to news that one member of the "team" had twisted his wrist:


Usually, in cases of severe injury, IGH policy is to terminate - final - the injured. The remains are placed on the Orient Express and The Chairman is notified. This may, as a matter of fact, be the fate of one S. Johnson akb other names.

I am treking across L/stein just now and have a tryst arranged with J. Andrews in the alps over Innsbruk. We are each chanting "Climb Every Mountain".

I should return in time for your Kxxx soiree and the subsequent journey to the Tucson Alps.

Any suggestions regarding payment for the Kxxx field measurements will be welcome but not, necessarily, accepted.

Awaiting your cogent reply.

Dr, Marconi akb other names..

Subject: A masked man ... or NMVMFTMAA


I have been told that a masked man appeared at the CC facility this afternoon and left a frequency counter with the [person] estacioned at the entry platform. I have been further advised that this counter is the property of the IGH and will measure, to nearly one significant figure, the frequency at its input.

It may even do better than that.

Another, similarly disguised object, will come to collect the device from the above noted locale on Monday next. The disguised (disfigured?) object will remove the apparatus from your premises even though Monday is a holiday for some.

Please direct any queries to Walter. The rhythmic trolls will perform as the device leaves your premises.

Film at 11.


Subject: Things.

Richard was quite annoyed at his copy of Outlook Express, which seemed determined to attach a .vcf file to every email.


I have fiddled around with "tools" and this is all I get ! ! Report THAT to the Daily Disappointment and see what their response may be.

I still haven't managed to rid the whole affair of Dr. Marconi. He is purportedly deceased but keeps coming back to haunt my e-mail replies. Also, he fails to ever spell southwest properly.

How now, brown cow?

We have hired a new, portable J-John and I am having a brass plaque inscribed with "The Radio Doctor". This will sit/stand/rest very prominently in front of the IGH in Mesa. Then, Xxxxx can have a private facility whenever he visits here. Also, the J-John can be used as a confessional for the errant bishops, priests, popes, et all that come by here with youngsters in tow,

This is Friday. Tomorrow, I will be hosting a wall-opening party at my residential facility just north of here. Seems as though there is a water leak within the walls. All are invited. Stale water will be served. Be certain to bring

1. Personal fire axe.
2. Personal hip-waders
3. Fog horn (with extra batteries) (67.5 volts, minimum)
4. Fog
5. Personal bishop
6. Personal pope
7. Note from your mother giving permission to drown at a site away from you home.

Party stats at 00.00.03 AM

Party ends at 23 59 57 PM

Or, whenever all participants have drowned and screaming has abated.


Richard Haskey
aka Dr. Marconi
writing from
The Southwest's Greatest City

Subject: Hello (From Dr. Luke Abel)

The fall of 2002 was particularly full of emails from Nigerians anxious to have Americans help remove money from Nigeria ... and receive a commission ... merely for putting their bank account particulars up front]


Obviously, Ms Abel has not heard of global warming. I am, by copy of this wire, asking Al Gore to visit with her and tell her the facts of life - about trees, global warming, et al. He will arrive in a rickshaw from Hong Kong on Thursday morning (in Africa) but will stay only until the Coolie has been watered and fed. Stop.

If Maples has been arrested, why is he sitting here in this office. The prop looks fairly new and we have some high school students come by on a yearly basis to make sure he is (pardon) erect and forthright-looking for the many visitors to the IGH. Stop.

Please refrain from any contact with the IGH during daylight hours today. The staff is all out of here seeking turkeys to shoot. We did see Alan but, in the spirit of something undefined, let him be. Stop.

Advise. Stop.




Additional comments on the "Able" letter:


The warmth of the globe cannot be judged by the temperature on Tucson Mountain. There is so much hot air being radiated (ostensibly as radio programming) from that venue, all temperatures must be multiplied by a factor. That factor has yet to be determined but includes the address of the Melon Bank, Al Gore's IQ (converted to a positive number by yet another factor) and the number of faux pauxs committed by Alan Xxxxxxx in any fourteen second period.

Ms Abel was found deceased in the local abattoir. So, that solves that. The knacker man has been called in as have several ju ju men from other tribes.

The outcome of the contest to decide who is the bigger buffoon (the late) Ed Wynn or the (nearly late) Joe Arpaio. (the beloved) Sheriff Joe has won the contest by a wide, sweeping margin.

Please have his prize ready when he comes in for his air shift on KRQ.

Just before her untimely demise, Ms Abel said YOU were to give ME 11% of the multi-million dollars she had in her galoshes.


Subject: Untoward circumstances

Another of those Nigerian Scam letters arrives from "Mrs. M Sese-Seko (Miriam)


I regret to inform you that, via international TELEX, we learned this morning that Mrs M Sese-Seko (Mariam) was found deceased between towers 5 and 6 of the erstwhile Murmur antenna array in Tucson Arizona. Apparently, a flaming arrow (manufactured from an old grounding stick) was the perp(s) weapon of choice. Glowing embers were still in evidence as this heinous crime was being investigated by Xxxx Xxxxx, radio journalist for a radio station in near-by Benson, AZ. One Frank Xxxxxx was also on the scene and was heard mumbling incoherencies.

As always, the IGH is standing by (or, unless the hour in the day becomes late, sitting or laying by) to assist in gathering details of this unplanned happenstance.


For the IGH in Mesa, AZ...

Nikola Tesla (and his rhythmic coils)

Subject: The ODDessy and Agony

Richard continued trying stop the proliferation of .vcf files from his mail reader. Learning that my hard drive had almost two dozen of them already that week, he responded:


I note Home Depot has kerosene for only $4. per gallon in five gallon containers. A pint of lacquer thinner (at 2.69 per quart) added to the kerosene (there is room in the five gallon container) and mixed well will make a lovely, flammable mixture. Then, you can take all those files and burn them in the intersection of 6th and Drachman.

I will never have to see them again!!

This is the Wisconsin Farm Network, FM Station WCCF Transmitting from high atop the Baraboo bluffs in Greenfield Township using a federally non-authorized power of 27 watts. (Authorized power is 28.414 watts)


(I am still laughing about the other one; I may not recover for days.)

Subject: The ODDessy and Agony

***{{{It is now Sunday morning and I am not planning to see you or anyone. I am wearing what look like very dark sunglasses but, in reality, have opaque lenses. There was a rumor floating about that Phyllis, and the Rhythmic Trolls would be doing a live remote from my front lawn.

Since I have no front lawn.....and didn't want to be bothered with trolls or Phyllisses (not to be confused with phall....never mind.) I felt I should be prepared. I have just now listened to the Kxxx facility using my super-squealadine receiver (47 vacuum tubes and 17 xtal filters) and find that the live remote is from the body dump just across Oracle from the CCC facility.}}}***


{{{***Yes, I will not be wearing ear plugs but - I may still be wearing the special sunglasses. Especially if there is sun.}}}***

[The trolls were] last seen at the nude beach on the Rillito River wondering what it all meant. Rillito was "nude" at the time as well. A fraternity from UA is planning on paving the river bottom and making it into a freeway to nowhere.

I am already there. Nowhere. Nothing. AND DAMN COLD!! Turn up the heat!! I'm off to bust up the furniture and toss it into the fireplace. And get your turkeys out of my pool!! I'm turning it into an ice rink.


Subject: ODDessy and Agony


It is NOT me w/ the o/s/g [opaque sunglasses]. I was arrested and am incarcerated in the Fort McDowell Hoosegow. This, because Pete has decided that anyone who wears dark glasses is a ped and/or child molester. Apparently, according to Tina, my office lady (executive assistant), he has been known to stop people in WalMarts, K-Marts and the like and tell them of his "findings". At one point, security was called and Pete had to flee.

Life goes on......

The Kxxx room: It should be shuttered and boarded. I have not given the re-do much thought. I must admit, there may NOT be any discernable effects except just beneath the southern-most tower of the Kxxx AM Array and then, only when the Rhythmic Trolls and their leader are prancing to the sounds of Art Lxxxxx singing the Pxxx Pxxxxx song book. There is top mall security in evidence.

This is all done under the cover of fog.

Please encrypt all further messages. Do NOT use Navajo language as a substitute for encryption as the Tucson constabulary has an ex-code talker on its staff in the bunko division.


aka Dr. Bunko

Subject: Call to Tech Service


I have the flu but it is almost up the flue since the germs flew out of the cuckoo's nest. Fluey.

I carefully left my cell phone (I guess they aren't really that anymore) at home. It eliminates loss, theft, most communications (worthy or worthless) and it seldom wears out. It cuts down on my AT&T bill as well.

I will be walking (pacing) the hallowed halls of the IGH on the morrow. I may be available via phone, phax, phe-mail and the like. At that distance, flu is probably not possible or likely.


Subject: drunkeness in all the wrong places....


We spoke of the lads and lassies at the FCC as, maybe, drunk. Little did we know. Today is the FCC staff Holiday (to be PC) Party and, indeed, many are more than rhythmic.

The first number (telephone) rendered a horribly distorted FAX tone. The second raised a troll (non-rhythmic, I think) who gave me the word about the soiree in progress. She then connected me to one Art Doke's mail jail wherein he promised to call me back. The promise was rather hollow, having been recorded on Wilcox-Gay stainless steel wire several days ago. (The IGH HAS genuine Wilcox-Gay recording wire IN STOCK for your dining and dancing pleasure.)

So....at this point, I am still awaiting word on FM DA azimuthal tolerance(s).

I am also waiting for Xxxx to find gainful employment.



Subject: stand by. better days ahead.

(Cue bubble machine operator to stand-by)

(Cue bubble machine operator to start bubbles)

(Cue Alan Michaels to stand by)

(Cue Rhythmic Trolls to stand by)

(Cue kazoo player to begin theme) (All metal version of "I gave her the ring; she gave me the finger"


Just a note to announce my leaving these cold climes for even colder ones - New Mexico. I will be available some of the time by mystic wireless telephone. I may NOT lug computer along but will check e-mail at various truck stops along the way.

Ah, the wonders of modern science.

IGH reopens (officially) January 2nd of a new year (number not given)

R, closed for most of last year, will be closed for most of new year.

(Cue all)

(Ignite C-4 canister)

Ce est la vie.....2002,

(C-4 canister goes off and with it all the rest of the cast)


Subject: a better way.....

Richard had received another of those emails from the Nigerian scams:


There is a much simpler way to make big $$$ And, every order from www.flybynight.org allows the orderer to obtain a free premium from orderereee. No need to save anything to disk or tape or wire. Just follow these simple instructions. (If you need to write them down to remember them, you must be in broadcasting and are thus ineligible to participate)

1. Check all of your bank balances (All accounts).
2. Total entire cache of funds
3. Prepare check for this amount in favour of Alhaji Finish (and his orchestra)
4 Address should be Alhaji Finish (and his orchestra)
                                Near Fish Sellers
                                Maiduguri, Nigeria
5. Place check in addressed envelope, affix international postage and drop in any corner mailbox. There are seven of these corner mailboxes remaining in cities large and small across the fruited plain.
6. Wait.
7. Wait.
8. Stand by.
9. Sit by.
10. Lay by.
11. Wait.

Soon you will be pleasantly awakened by a wafting odor of decaying fish. Voila!!! your premium has arrived.

Some day, you will also receive a plaque commemorating your wonderfulness and an opportunity to do more business with "Big Time" Nigerian oil moguls.

Thank you for your participation. This transaction is complete.


Subject: FTMVM & NMAA


Many years ago, in California, I worked for an object that had a m.o. similar to that of the [large corporation]. In less than one year there were over 100 lads and lasses who passed through the hallowed portals. I was spared the axe but there were others that worked there for 6 months, 6 weeks, 1 week, 6 hours, etc. etc. One young lad had the distinction of being there shortest time of all - (minus) three days. He was hired on a Friday, was to show up on Monday and called in on Tuesday to indicate, "by the way, I quit."

I believe this manager subsequently was hired by [a large corporation].

So, what's next?

Tucson is scheduled for Friday as the Nautel people want to visit Zinnia and take advantage of some fine photo ops. Lynden asks for my presence. I should be near (but not IN) my cage on the morrow or today, depending how long this takes to get there.

You are absolutely correct....NMVM.....&.....FTMAA.



Stand by to stand by.

Dr. Marconi
And his 'lectric VCF's.



Please use your DeLorme mapper and determine, if the Mason-Dixon were to be extended, if the IGH is north or south of same. Mason Dixon, as you surely recall, was/is a country-western disk jockey on 376 stations scattered all across the once-fruited plain. (No fruit due to drought).

He was once on the Yawn Patrol (on 234 stations) the Dawn Patrol (on 231 stations) and then, on all 5,234.3 CCC stations. Now, he is doing the infamous dirt nap.

A very few things matter at all BUT some do.


Thank you.



Subject: e-mails to the ether or beyond


We have received several notices from Broadcast.Net indicating that transmissions intended for you (and, probably, your assigns) were undeliverable. We did not consider these messages preposterous, intimidating, sexually explicit, or even just explicit. Perhaps, the multitude of alphabetic characters in pseudo random order, raised havoc with the spam detecting algorithm(s) used by that group.

Please be certain there are no automatic authority locators/dispatchers in the loop.


MY door to the IGH will slam shut in about one hour from this moment in time. Other doors will continue to operate properly unless, of course, they operate improperly. MY door to the IGH will re-open on February 10th at 0600 hours, MST. (other time zones available at additional cost) I am going to spend the week forthcoming traipsing through surplus yards, operating as a dumpster diver, functioning in bone yards and the like on the trail of AEL transmitters.


This journey will include trips into (at least) six counties, two states, three countries, one former protectorate, two continents and several nations of one sort or another.


Please advise this office as to the address of your storage yard (including ZIP Code + 4), phones in/on/near the yard and the hours when your 7.56 ton forklift (with operator) will be available to off-load precious cargo/treasure.


Telephone and TELEX service to the IGH will be coming anytime from now.

Stop Stopping




This office has dispatched a parcel with small, unmarked bills to one S. Johnson via the USPS. I tried sending the bills via e-mail but they kept coming back.

I am planning on getting the xxxx billing done very soon and, upon their payment (which is usually quite prompt), the $$$ to one B. Mishkind will be dispatched from here as well.

My accounts receivable is significant at this time but, for whatever reason, the owees do not wish to pay the owors as promptly as we would like. I have asked Lyle to threaten them and that may do some good.

Or, not.

Only $$$ Matter. Few other things matter at all.


From high atop tower 1 of the twin World Trade Center towers, this is Hymie Horlich and his rootbeer floats featuring Evelyn and her magic violin.


Subject: Injuns...injuns...everywhere.


There may be a problem with T. Maples [deceased]. He appeared ashen, pale, pallid and agitated. He went on and on about his days with Alan as a whirling dervish. I was unable to determine, accurately, who did the whirling and who was the dervish.

All whirling dervish assemblies in Phoenix have been taken over by Sheriff Joe.


New subject

Please contact Mt. Lemon on the 32.4mHz order wire and tell them the freezer at the IGH has a capacity of only 3.14159 cubic inches. Tell them their interests may be better served by shipping the snow via USPS to Augusta.



New subject

Please inform the writer (you may again use the order wire) of the location of the hot potato throwing (up) contest. Is this another L. Mays exclusive?

Will John C. be the emcee? The potato? Anything?


Subjects depleted.

IGH depleted.

R depleted.

- 30 -


Subject: Hello, Sailor!


Dr. Ramitez, looking much the worse for wear (as they say) was found sleeping against the front door of the IGH when I appeared here minutes ago. I wish you wouldn't have your "friends" do that!

We try to run an auspicious operation here and the likes of Ramitez, Loony, Maples, et al on the doorstep do not help in this regard. Also, we get calls - almost daily - from Antonio's Saloon, just up the street, asking us to come and haul off a woman who claims to own a major radio station in a huge metropolis south of here. She always has a gaggle of trolls with her. She says they are rhythmic but all appear to be one step away from the Chariot Ride.

She is said (by Antonio, in broken Espanol) to be continually intoning "Oh, Barry.....Oh, Barry" in a Lithuanian tongue which has yet to be written.



Drop. (computer from 14th floor of 12 story Tucson City Hall.)

Peace in Lichtenstein which is for rent (the entire "country") for your next party or other soiree. Call John Dxxxxx for details and rates. Send all deposits to IGH.

Hmmmm. and Hmmmph.


Subject: I forgot


I have promised the people in Payson that I will be up there on Sunday to attempt to discover why their SX2.5 is only outputting 1700+ watts. I was there two weeks' ago and "they" tried to install an AM Optiflush. At one point, the output power was fluctuating from 500 to 3,000 (or more watts) and the audio, as you could imagine, was virtually intelligible.

I called a halt to their folly but, the damage was already done. They had to rent a dump truck to haul expended MOSFETS to the landfill. After I went through the adjustment procedure on the 'flush, they had only 1700 watts out.

If you see the extra 500 watts (they could have gone South), please return them.

At least the wx is supposed to be "nice" this weekend.

Hey...why the heck am I spending a "nice" day inside a bombed-out Korean arms depot in the middle of Central Arizona?

From just beneath the apple-piece in the Waldorf Salad, this is Lester Lanin (Not to be confused with Lester Lanolin) (or, horny hairlip) playing the Clyde McPhatter song book. Evelyn/Phyllis is in the wings with her magic trombone.


Subject Moving on...


The IGH will move its headquarters to Baghdad around the end of the month. We will occupy space in one of the K-Mart stores which you said will become a Target. We need from the Pueblo seven (7) warm bodies who are strong (but weak minded, probably) and can each hand-carry one (1) Austin Ring Transformer to a storage yard at the confluence of the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers.

Please arrange for these people to be (pardon the expression) "shot" against various communicable and terminal diseases at the "free clinic" on 4th Avenue. Since the trip will be made in the still of night, no visas will be required.

We will have room for a branch office of Radio Guide if you would enjoy occupancy thereof.

The Royal Guardsmen will be on hand to sing their huge hit, "Ding-Dong, The Witch is Dead" when Sadaam has been strapped into the chariot for his final ride.






These up-dates are coming to my e-mail address with alarming regularity. It is good that you have significant amounts of fiber in your diet to promote same.

Actually, there were 87,463.5 people (by my actual count) at the NAB. The 1/2 person was xxxx, of course.

There will be no NAB Convention next year as Eddie will have sold out the NAB to CCC and there will be a soiree at an almost-defunct night club in San Antonio. This, of course, will only declare publicly what is already done. NAB/CCC has SUCH a nice ring to it.

Mxx Xxxxx was canceled. So, it is only likely that his address to the masses was also deleted.

Delete. Delete. Delete.






Also back then, the Andrew antenna - a real plumber's nightmare - was fairly popular. It had elements in series, parallel, and used many feet of 3" rigid coax. The first FM I actually worked at - in California - had one. I was on hand when John Hignite and his crew came to install it. It took both of us most of a morning to figure out where everything went.


Memories. Memories. I think I remember Kate Smith being on hand on sign-on day with Clyde McPhatter's orchestra doing God Bless America in Swahili.

Maybe, that was another time.


Richard had emailed me briefly regarding his not feeling well. He was going to "stand in the rain room" and then check with his doctor. Later in the day, I got my last email:


More news, possibly telephonically, will be available later today. I don't think e-mailing is possible without an act of the Pope. Lewd or otherwise.



One of our continuing running "gags" concerned a phrase that he liked to use: "Nothing matters very much and few things matter at all."  I quickly turned it around to "Few things matter very much, and nothing matters at all."

Virtually every email I got from Richard included some form of "FTMAA," until one day I had to look three times, for Richard had typed "NMAA." Typically, when questioned, he alleged he'd been under the influence of some rogue Rhythmic Troll, and promptly averred "FTMAA." That and some additional commentary about Chairman Mao and his Orchestra doing a road trip to the Pyramids of Egypt.

We are all the losers for not having Richard Haskey among us.

Alhaji Finish


Bob Richards        Dick Haskey      Johnny Darren   John Peters

This picture was taken in 1965 in Oxnard, California. Haskey was a KACY  "Boss Jock" in Port Hueneme. (1520 kHz 10 kW DA-D, 1 kW DA-N.)  KACY had a 301 in the works requesting 50 kW DA-D. Al Towne did the application and Haskey did the leg work. They built the 50 kW in 1968. The transmitter was an Ampliphase!

Some thoughts contributed by others:

From: Mark Pallock <mpallock@earthlink.net>

I was 23 when I first met Dick. I was introduced to him by Alan Skuba who had gotten the license for 850khz in Thousand Oaks (Then KGOE) This was my first gig as a chief engineer and I knew I was in over my head. My only experience was in FM and I didn't know squat about any 3 tower directional. Dick was very patient with me. I would call him at all hours if the array walked; he showed me how to bring it back in. I stayed at KGOE till 1973. In 1974 I worked with Dick again in Oxnard building KDAR for Ed Atsinger (CEO of Salem Communications) Dick was the only guy I knew to call Atsinger Diamond Ed and this made Atsinger nuts. The more he hated it, the more Dick did it.

We would go for lunch at Carls Jr. buy a hamburger there and take it down the street to McDonalds and buy a bag of fries and sit and eat a Carls Jr. Hamburger at McDonalds.This was Dicks sense of humor

Dick was the closest thing to a mad scientist that I ever met. There was nothing about radio broadcasting Dick didn't know.

I lost touch with Dick over the years but I truly miss the option of not being able to contact him.

Mark Pallock
Los Angeles

From: Jay Crosby <jcrosby2@attbi.com>

Now that the man is gone, Barry, it can be told:

When our new final blew up at KUDU in 1968, Haskey's entry in the log was accurate. And I quote: "Mouse met fiery demise on transmitter final."

When Haskey had to come up with a large selection of xmtr logs for the FCC that year, his letter to them was NOT accurate; it was a complete fabrication (41):

"The logs were among a number of other important documents that were inadvertently taken out and burned by a transient day-laborer hired to do some cleaning and clearing. Needless to say, when we discovered what he had done, he was discharged immediately."

Not a WORD of truth to it!

Finally, when a prized horse backed into our tower because the fence was in disrepair, the general manager (Bill Sommers, who went on to KABC) was beside himself, reasonably assuming the owner of the valuable animal would sue us for negligence. Haskey calmed Sommers, however, by pointing out that at least we could be grateful it was not a rabbit that got blown up. Sommers, already exasperated, asked Haskey what the hell THAT had to do with anything.

Somberly, Haskey said, "Well, if it had been a rabbit, that would have cut our modulation by a hare."

Great memories of a great man.

From: Gregg Strickland <GStrickland@sbslosangeles.com>

I had the opportunity to work with Richard on an antenna project. Soon it was very clear that I had nothing to worry about and his crew would do an excellent job. Even though I knew him only briefly, it saddens me to hear of his passing.

I join all of you in memories of a great engineer and fascinating individual.

Greg Strickland

From: Helen Jones <GooseNeckHoller@webtv.net>

I think the year was l999 I received the neatest card from Haskey. ... a mutual friend, had kept Haskey up to date on my attempt to get Temecula at 94.5 fm. myself and l7 others had filed on the frequency in l990!

I guess there were three of us, at that point, owned the station....and Magic bought out the other two, when I received this terrific card from Haskey, that I have on had on my office wall ever since.

Haskey's card showed a ladder out in the middle of a field, standing straight up, and going thru some clouds...a person at the top. It read

"at last the ladder,
which had been built
slowly, slowly..one hope at a time
reached up to the clouds.
And the dreamer began to climb."


You're on your way to great things,

Then he wrote

Hi Helen-

Chester said It's been NINE years! WOW!
Now comes the easy part!

Hope this finds you happy & well & ready to rumba.

One of these days...I'll get over your way. I'm doing a Six Tower AM DA in Boise, ID just now. Still live in Phoenix & still do the same old things.

Personal Regards,
Richard Haskey

From: Bill Dawson  <bill.dawson@pepperdine.edu>

As a kid, I took a tour of KBBY in Ventura, Ca and later worked there as an adult.

I saw a new automation system that had just been installed. Lots of money paid to an automation company? Nope. Richard had built it himself. It was at that point I realized being a broadcast engineer was going to be a lot more fun that I had imagined. I don't think Richard knew the influence he had on me.

Bill Dawson

From: Lindy Williams  <lindy@lotuscorp.com>

Richard Haskey,  whom I consider one of the giants of the broadcast industry,  was a very dear friend.   I can think of few whom I have known better or spent more time with.   I simply want to place my thoughts along with so many others as to what a remarkable person he was.  He was someone whom I could count on,  no matter how busy he was,  how tired,  how little sleep he had gotten the night before,  if you needed him he would be there.  Just weeks before his death,  he was concerned about a couple of small broadcasters who were being sold a bill of goods by an unscrupulous engineer,  and he called me to see if we could present the facts to these small station owners so they wouldn’t be taken for a ride.  There wasn’t even anything in it for him.   It was simply his sense of fair play.  He was honest as the day is long,   he was as loyal a friend as ever existed,  and a genuine decent human being that virtually no one disliked.  It is so rare in this age to find someone like that.  

Everyone mentions the sense of humor that Dick displayed on every occasion possible.   He would be the first to joke about his “demise”  or “going through the vail”.   He would probably proceed to describe all of the characters he intended to deal with when he arrived on the other side.   He’s probably throwing the switch on a 10 megawatt transmitter somewhere in the either and loving the crackle of the juice as it crosses the contactor.  

There was probably no one on the face of the planet who could be handed a piece of vacant land and be told to build a radio station,  who,  upon this commission,  would do the engineering,  file the application,  procure the parts for construction,  contract the construction of the buildings,  erect the towers,  build the phasor,  install the transmitter,  tune it up,  crank in a pattern,  install the microwave,  the remote control,  build the studios,  file the 302,  and then sit down in front of the microphone and execute the most hilarious disc jockey show anyone has ever heard. 

I first met Dick in 1970 and spent hundreds if not thousands of hours with him over the next 33 years.   I remember hundreds of stories about different characters we knew in the industry.   For obvious reasons,   I won’t relate any of them but needless to say I spent many an hour laughing so hard that I would be in tears.  He had a special name for each and every character,  and from that moment on,  they would be called by the handle Dick would bequeath to them.  

In more recent years,  Dick worked on dozens of Lotus projects.  He built a large 6 tower array in Boise,  re-worked a 630’ tower and antenna project in Tucson,  plowed in several ground systems,  installed numerous FM antennas,  painted towers,  and generally kept us all laughing.  He had several Lotus projects on his list when he passed away.  I can honestly say that I’m not sure how I’m going to be able to get along without him.   He filled such large shoes in this industry that there simply is no one who can take his place. 

Lindy Williams
Lotus Communications Corp.

From: Jim Stanley <jsstanley@cbs.com>

[Richard] invented many phrases and euphemisms. He was the first to describe a radio station as a "toilet" In the late 1960's he went to El Centro California to look at KAMP with prospective buyers.

After they were wrapping up the tour of the station he said he wanted to see the production room. Richard walked out of the control studio and opened the door on a small room thinking it was the Production studio. It was a toilet and a filthy one at that!

Haskey bellowed "This is the worst I've ever seen! This place IS a toilet" I'm departing now!

The reality was, KAMP had no production room, all commercials were cut in the control room after sunset, since the station was a daytimer.

And yes, KAMP was a toilet!

 - - - -

When I was a Sophomore (16 years old) at Nordhoff High, in Ojai, I was working for Julian Meyers at KKOG-TV in Ventura, CA; one of the first UHF TV stations.

I had passed my Second Class radio engineers license test and had some image orthicon tubes, I gave Julian. They were used, from some other major stations. Fine,  fine enough for a "toilet"

He insisted I talk with Haskey and Julian drove to Ojai to pick me up (met my Mom and Dad) and haul me to Haskey's house on Laurel Street in Ventura.

Dick drove me home (to Ojai) and met my Dad when he dropped me off.

This Fathers Day 2003 I told my Dad of Richard's passing. He remembered Richard and how he ignited my interest in Broadcasting.

My Dad is 87 years old now.


From: John Joseph McVeigh <jmcveigh@erols.com>
Columbia, Maryland

Richard was a good guy with a great sense of humor, as well as a talented broadcast engineer. It's a shame to lose him.

From: Bob Richards

It was a nasty job, but someone had to do it.

Has used to write these bogus license renewals. He used to say the FCC wants it by the pound, so he would send this huge file and sign the cover sheet, "Irving J. Fellatio" to the FCC! He had a style. We used to work together at KACY late at night and crack each other up. Between the two of us, I think we knew everything we needed for any broadcast job. We had synergism going.

I remember stopping by Laurel street one day and he was perplexed by some piece of gear, perhaps a console. Anyway, I get to looking, and I say, "how about this?"

He was stunned. How could he have missed that? He bailed me out a lot, too. A generous, and a fair man. I'm sorry he's gone.

Uncle Bob

From: Clifford (Clif) Groth <cgroth@nrgbroadcast.com>

Barry - My recollections on Richard Haskey's early radio days

I worked with Richard in the early 60's at WTTN, Watertown, WI. He was from Milwaukee about 50 miles east. This was one of his early broadcast jobs. His announcing experience came from doing school announcements on his High School's PA system. I understand some of these "announcements" were interesting!

During his brief stay in my home town I learned a lot of radio. I remember learning about and running audio proofs. I recall he wrote an early article on the subject in Broadcast Engineering before the Radio-TV split. Wish I had saved it.

Always a joker, his last day as a combo operator was interesting. Rather than running combo, with my help, he did his "show" from the roof of the old Wisconsin National Bank Building. At one time it was the tower site and still had the pier for the old Windcharger tower. Rich's description of the traffic on Main St, airplanes overhead, ect. was in his typical humorous style. Management didn't think it was in "good taste" and we were asked to "cease and desist" Remember in those days jackets and ties were required!

Rich moved to Minneapolis after his stint in Watertown. His letters were usually 3 inch tapes filled with his unique humor. Later I learned he moved west and I'd run into him a NAB shows. The Western Wireless Works card has always had a special place on my bulletin board.

-- Clifford (Clif) Groth, CSRE

From: Pete Costantino (peterc@fastq.com)

After reading the many wonderful tributes to Richard (Dick) Haskey that his friends have written about him I realized I needed to contribute how he remained the same great person all his life.

Richard and I worked very closely together during the past two years, we put in some late nighters and did a lot of driving together. During that time Richard's sense of humor and sagacity were always at the forefront of his thoughts and conversations. He would relate stories from the past and sometimes we would carry on the stories to give them different outcomes. I remember driving on the I-10 freeway to Tucson one day when his cell phone dropped an important call. He said a few words about the phone and then said good riddance and threw the phone out the window. When we arrived in Tucson the first stop was at a different cell phone company for a new phone. Every time we passed that spot on the freeway Richard would comment on the phone was still ringing in the medium.

Richard remained compassionate towards those who needed help. A tower worker out of work for awhile was hired by Richard, two days later that man told Richard his rent was so far past due he was going to be evicted. Richard gave the man the money needed to pay the rent. Two days later (a total of four days on the job) the man had to be terminated, not through a fault of anyone just circumstances, Richard told the man not to worry about repayment of the loan and gave him the full amount of his earned wages.

Truly a man with many positive assets to his moral fiber. I could relate many more tributes to this man, I know he will live on in our memories. I find myself while I am working around the shop talking to Richard. He had lots of plans we were working on, I will (am) missing him.

Sincerely to you, Richard, Pete.

I wish to thank each of you who have taken the time to read this tribute to Richard.

--- Pete Costantino Home base, Western Wireless Works

From: Wayne Schuler <cwaynes@comcast.net>

By chance I found your website and was shocked and saddened to learn of the passing of Richard Haskey.

I worked with Richard in the late 70's in Nigeria. We were working for Harris Broadcast installing transmitters and mw links in Lagos, Ibaden and other remote villages.

I got to know Haskey for the first time there and never forgot him. Each time he returned to the states, he left his toolbox behind as he knew it wouldn't be long before he'd have to return to fix something again. Each time he said he'd never return, but he did.

We worked together for about 6 months in which I heard many of the stories that are posted on the website. He joked about having to finish the current project in Ibaden so he could catch the 6 am Abeokuta Express to Madougri as roads were nearly non-existent at the time.

He loved to say that "Nothing Matters" but it did. He was very professional and got the job done.

I met him the last time at the 1995 NAB. We chatted and exchanges bits of humor for awhile, reminiscing of the old days.

Richard Haskey was quite a guy. I wonder where his toolbox is now.

Wayne Schuler

From: John Haskey <johnh@haskey.com>

I shared some of what I had located tonight on the web with my mother. With respect to the site about KWKY in Des Moines she related this story

"One thing he didn't mention...when we were in Des Moines.... he had a big disagreement with the management about music, etc. and played classical music for his opening hours one day.... he knew he would get fired for it and he did...but it was his way of getting back at them......."

Just thought I'd pass that along...


From: Bill Frahm <bill.frahm@cumulus.com>, a couple more R Haskey missives - and the flavor of his humor.  

Date: Friday, January 11, 2002 8:15 PM
Subject: Fw: The Spoon
I have 137 cartons of new, plastic spoons. Would you be interested in storing them in the bomb shelter at KXXX? Or, will it interefer with Bxxxxxx's love life and his manifestation(s) thereof within? The spoons will eventually go to a five-star (Sinclair rated) restaurant in Wells, NV.
I'm coming to Bxxxx. It HAS to be warmer there than here. 38 degrees (F) on my patio this morning!!  Bummer.

Date: Saturday, January 19, 2002 12:17 PM
Subject: Re: The Spoon
Stand by to stand by. Fork Lift and drunlken driver (from Allied Forces) must be ready at all times.
Spoons are the cause of the smoke you see to the SSE of Xxxxx....far on the horizon. Should be over in a week or two.
Stay warm. I have no furniture left in my house - burned it all to try and stay warm. Cacti from the desert are next.
Don't tell the EPA any of this!
P.S. overnight low (about 3AM when the dog wanted to see/feel for herself was 28 degreesF. Got to a whopping 54 here during the "heat" of the afternoon. No snow. No fog. Only "plastic" smoke.

JUNE 8, 2004


from Peter Costantino

During this past year while in search of projects I have been surprised by the number of people that I have met that knew Richard. It seems that while having a conversation with them I will mention Richard’s name and that I worked for Western Wireless Works. The person I am speaking with will tell me a story about how they met Richard (or as all of his long time friends call him Dick Haskey) or how he did something for them that has always stayed with them.

I remember one man that said he and several others use to pal around together in the sixties and that Richard was the reason he became interested in broadcasting. One man runs a tower company and when I told him I worked for Richard he was delighted to meet me and ask me about my experience with Richard. Then he told me about some of his fond memories about Richard.

So while Richard has gone through the curtain (Richard’s term for passing away) he is still in our memories and to this day I find myself surrounded by thoughts of Richard, like when I am on a project I will realize that Richard would do it a certain way and I will speak out loud to Richard saying " you want it done this way I know".

To all of you who knew Richard I am glad we had the pleasure to do so. I look forward to meeting more fine people that have had the pleasure to have known Richard.




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